Nostalgia~ For me a soft feather, floating on the wind of days past. Looking back and remembering a time that was simpler, clearer, sweeter, more vibrant than today can ever seem to be.
I was caught the other day in a moment that took away my breath and resurrected all kinds of forgotten things. The vivid picture in my mind went further than merely an incident, but encompassed all five senses and took me back in time fully.
When I moved into this area and got married I felt like I never quite fit in. Could it have been the wild haircut, the 6 holes in my ears, the loud (albeit artfully applied) make-up? Was it possible that I was young, very outspoken and idealistic? Naw of course not...it had to be my winning personality!
The reality was that I didn't fit into the ethnic people group I was living amongst, nor did I fit into the religious group I was worshiping with and I didn't fit into the family I'd married into with their traditions and perceived expectations. I felt very alone.
And then I met my friend. We became close as our kids were in the same classes at school and played on the same sports teams. We soon discovered that we had many similar hobbies and interests and spent many mornings together over a cup of coffee working through our mothering struggles and joys. We laughed and cried together over our successes and carried each other's burdens over our failures.
My friend's birthday is one day after my husband's and often we would celebrate together. Our anniversary is on the same day of the same year as theirs and it seemed so easy to mesh our lives together, our family with theirs.
On my husband's birthday this year my mind went back to the last time my friend and I were together celebrating both of their birthday's. We had a big group of people over and had eaten lots of great food, played games and were enjoying each other's company. My friend and I sat on the couch and were taking the opportunity to catch up with each other. I hugged her as a premonition overcame me that this time would pass too soon.
Sure enough, one day she came over with the news that her family was moving. All I can liken it to was the feeling one would get having a huge tuna slapped across your face. To say that I was heartbroken would be grossly understating what was going through my heart and mind.
I guess the interesting thing is that time has softened the pain of her leaving but has not dulled the beauty that she brought to my life. Through her friendship I realized that I didn't have to fit in ethnically as much as stand up for my own brand of authenticity in the community. I didn't have to worship like everyone else, because God wanted my worship to be as unique as he created me to be~ there would be purity in my offering. I also didn't have to feel intimidated by this rooted and wonderfully strong family I married into as my life experience would be woven together as part of their story as well. Most of all, she encouraged me to live each day as a celebration of the good God had blessed me with by illustrating it in her own life.
I wondered the other day if I had been "IN" all of those moments we'd spent together. Had I enjoyed each visit we'd had to the fullest? Did I tell her how beautiful she was, did I have enough compassion for her hurts, did I cry enough tears to let her know how deeply I cared about her? I pray so because there is no going back, no do-over, no second chances in those moments that slip so easily away.
And so I am left only with this day. I decided to drink deeply of today, be present in each moment. Laugh loud, commend inner beauty, celebrate the smallest of achievements. Hold the hand of the burdened, cry hard, compassionately walk beside the broken. I want today to be as simple as a memory of yesterday always seems to be. To be as quiet and warm, as welcoming and embracing as I remember days long past have been.
Hugs~n~hearts
Rhonda
I was caught the other day in a moment that took away my breath and resurrected all kinds of forgotten things. The vivid picture in my mind went further than merely an incident, but encompassed all five senses and took me back in time fully.
When I moved into this area and got married I felt like I never quite fit in. Could it have been the wild haircut, the 6 holes in my ears, the loud (albeit artfully applied) make-up? Was it possible that I was young, very outspoken and idealistic? Naw of course not...it had to be my winning personality!
The reality was that I didn't fit into the ethnic people group I was living amongst, nor did I fit into the religious group I was worshiping with and I didn't fit into the family I'd married into with their traditions and perceived expectations. I felt very alone.
And then I met my friend. We became close as our kids were in the same classes at school and played on the same sports teams. We soon discovered that we had many similar hobbies and interests and spent many mornings together over a cup of coffee working through our mothering struggles and joys. We laughed and cried together over our successes and carried each other's burdens over our failures.
My friend's birthday is one day after my husband's and often we would celebrate together. Our anniversary is on the same day of the same year as theirs and it seemed so easy to mesh our lives together, our family with theirs.
On my husband's birthday this year my mind went back to the last time my friend and I were together celebrating both of their birthday's. We had a big group of people over and had eaten lots of great food, played games and were enjoying each other's company. My friend and I sat on the couch and were taking the opportunity to catch up with each other. I hugged her as a premonition overcame me that this time would pass too soon.
Sure enough, one day she came over with the news that her family was moving. All I can liken it to was the feeling one would get having a huge tuna slapped across your face. To say that I was heartbroken would be grossly understating what was going through my heart and mind.
I guess the interesting thing is that time has softened the pain of her leaving but has not dulled the beauty that she brought to my life. Through her friendship I realized that I didn't have to fit in ethnically as much as stand up for my own brand of authenticity in the community. I didn't have to worship like everyone else, because God wanted my worship to be as unique as he created me to be~ there would be purity in my offering. I also didn't have to feel intimidated by this rooted and wonderfully strong family I married into as my life experience would be woven together as part of their story as well. Most of all, she encouraged me to live each day as a celebration of the good God had blessed me with by illustrating it in her own life.
I wondered the other day if I had been "IN" all of those moments we'd spent together. Had I enjoyed each visit we'd had to the fullest? Did I tell her how beautiful she was, did I have enough compassion for her hurts, did I cry enough tears to let her know how deeply I cared about her? I pray so because there is no going back, no do-over, no second chances in those moments that slip so easily away.
And so I am left only with this day. I decided to drink deeply of today, be present in each moment. Laugh loud, commend inner beauty, celebrate the smallest of achievements. Hold the hand of the burdened, cry hard, compassionately walk beside the broken. I want today to be as simple as a memory of yesterday always seems to be. To be as quiet and warm, as welcoming and embracing as I remember days long past have been.
Hugs~n~hearts
Rhonda
1 comment:
All those things you want and hope to be Rhonda, you most certainly are...warm and tight hugs to you!
Valerie
Post a Comment