Ok, so I'd been having a few "issues" which was why I was sitting in the doctor's office that day. A couple of weeks before I had called their office to book the appointment and was able to talk to someone trying to be very helpful.
"What's your name dear", she asked me.
"Rhonda."
"What can we do for you today?" she inquired.
"I need to see my doctor as soon as possible" I replied.
"Is it something urgent because you can go to emergency dear and someone will help you right away."
"No, it's not urgent, I'm just having some issues..."
"What kind of issues dear, and could you speak up, this waiting room is crowded with people and I'm having trouble hearing you."
When I arrived at the doctors office the sweet lady who had taken my information over the phone leaned over the desk conspiratorially and said in the loudest whisper I'd ever heard..."are you the one who's here because of your 'lady issues?' ". Suddenly the waiting room went silent as I told her yup, that'd be me and slunk into the nearest chair.
Humiliation..I live in a VERY small town and I was sure this tidbit was going to provide fodder for the coffee shop crowd for many a long winter day to come. I could hear them now, placing bets on whether it was the plumbing, electrical or mechanical failure I was in to see the doctor about, maybe all three! I counted myself lucky that most of the ones in the waiting room that day had been born before the computer age and probably didn't know how to tweet, text, BBM or FB or the story would have gone viral.
After being poked and prodded this was the diagnosis: PERIMENOPAUSE
Perimenopause: What the Doctor said:
- you are experiencing some changes to your body which could
lead to 5-10 lbs of weight gain
- your monthly cycles could become erratic as you get closer to
menopause when they will cease entirely
- there is a possibility that you could have some occasional night
sweats and/or hot flashes
- sleep patterns might change somewhat
- there has been some reports of mood swings
- but, not to worry, this is very normal and could last for up to 10 years
with minor symptoms
Perimenopause: What I heard the Doctor say:
- soon you won't be able to recognize your own body, you will blow up
like the Goodyear Blimp
- your cycles will control your life, you will be forced to map out routes
relevant to the proximity of bathrooms and back alleys
- dig out the plastic mattress cover you used on your kids' beds while
potty training, you'll need it to protect your mattress for the torrential
pouring of sweat every night
- you'll want to argue with hubby about everything and somehow during
the argument you will suddenly switch sides and start arguing the
other point of view, crying and shocked that he would dare say that he
doesn't understand you
- you'll be lucky to get a couple of hours of sleep at night and just an
FYI~ sleeplessness is a leading cause of wanting to kill your husband
as you hear his rhythmic, slow breathing beside you, not sweating,
breathing.slowly.rhythmically~ I AM GOING NUTS!
Perimenopause: The Truth
- it just sucks being a woman sometimes
- I took up jogging to combat the weight gain but all that jumping up and
down did for me was fluff things up even more
- night sweats...check hot flashes...check disturbed sleep...check
- murderous thoughts and curses...check check check
Perimenopause: The Bright Side
- I'm 3 years into the 10, seven more years to endure feeling like a
stranger in my own body and then what?
- menopause, full blown symptoms which would imply that what I am
currently going through is only half of what I am about to endure
Lord help me, I might hurt someone if this gets worse and I'd like it to be the doctor who told me that this would be minor rough patch in my life. In all reality I will probably just hurt myself...rushing to find a bathroom while pulling off my sweater due to a sudden hot flash, tripping over my shoelaces that I couldn't tie due to an enlarged mid-section that I can't see from the streams of sweat running down my forehead and into my eyes. Oh joy!
"What's your name dear", she asked me.
"Rhonda."
"What can we do for you today?" she inquired.
"I need to see my doctor as soon as possible" I replied.
"Is it something urgent because you can go to emergency dear and someone will help you right away."
"No, it's not urgent, I'm just having some issues..."
"What kind of issues dear, and could you speak up, this waiting room is crowded with people and I'm having trouble hearing you."
When I arrived at the doctors office the sweet lady who had taken my information over the phone leaned over the desk conspiratorially and said in the loudest whisper I'd ever heard..."are you the one who's here because of your 'lady issues?' ". Suddenly the waiting room went silent as I told her yup, that'd be me and slunk into the nearest chair.
Humiliation..I live in a VERY small town and I was sure this tidbit was going to provide fodder for the coffee shop crowd for many a long winter day to come. I could hear them now, placing bets on whether it was the plumbing, electrical or mechanical failure I was in to see the doctor about, maybe all three! I counted myself lucky that most of the ones in the waiting room that day had been born before the computer age and probably didn't know how to tweet, text, BBM or FB or the story would have gone viral.
After being poked and prodded this was the diagnosis: PERIMENOPAUSE
Perimenopause: What the Doctor said:
- you are experiencing some changes to your body which could
lead to 5-10 lbs of weight gain
- your monthly cycles could become erratic as you get closer to
menopause when they will cease entirely
- there is a possibility that you could have some occasional night
sweats and/or hot flashes
- sleep patterns might change somewhat
- there has been some reports of mood swings
- but, not to worry, this is very normal and could last for up to 10 years
with minor symptoms
Perimenopause: What I heard the Doctor say:
- soon you won't be able to recognize your own body, you will blow up
like the Goodyear Blimp
- your cycles will control your life, you will be forced to map out routes
relevant to the proximity of bathrooms and back alleys
- dig out the plastic mattress cover you used on your kids' beds while
potty training, you'll need it to protect your mattress for the torrential
pouring of sweat every night
- you'll want to argue with hubby about everything and somehow during
the argument you will suddenly switch sides and start arguing the
other point of view, crying and shocked that he would dare say that he
doesn't understand you
- you'll be lucky to get a couple of hours of sleep at night and just an
FYI~ sleeplessness is a leading cause of wanting to kill your husband
as you hear his rhythmic, slow breathing beside you, not sweating,
breathing.slowly.rhythmically~ I AM GOING NUTS!
Perimenopause: The Truth
- it just sucks being a woman sometimes
- I took up jogging to combat the weight gain but all that jumping up and
down did for me was fluff things up even more
- night sweats...check hot flashes...check disturbed sleep...check
- murderous thoughts and curses...check check check
Perimenopause: The Bright Side
- I'm 3 years into the 10, seven more years to endure feeling like a
stranger in my own body and then what?
- menopause, full blown symptoms which would imply that what I am
currently going through is only half of what I am about to endure
Lord help me, I might hurt someone if this gets worse and I'd like it to be the doctor who told me that this would be minor rough patch in my life. In all reality I will probably just hurt myself...rushing to find a bathroom while pulling off my sweater due to a sudden hot flash, tripping over my shoelaces that I couldn't tie due to an enlarged mid-section that I can't see from the streams of sweat running down my forehead and into my eyes. Oh joy!
